amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
