We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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