He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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