so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
