I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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