I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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