If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize