Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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