I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
