Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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