see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
