Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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