I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
