I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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