I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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