The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize