Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
