our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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