Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
