I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
MIDGETS
????
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
