i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
