Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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