And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
