2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
