just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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