At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize