it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
