i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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