Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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