I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize