SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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