I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
