Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
