just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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