im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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