My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
