I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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