yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
