Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
