butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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