The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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