this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
