I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
