i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
