WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
