I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
