dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
