you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
