Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
