Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
