can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
