It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
