If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
