Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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