Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
