What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
