How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
