SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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