I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
