So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
