Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
