Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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