Plan B is the new Plan A
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
