I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
