drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
