If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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