Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
