I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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