I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
