apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
