I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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