1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
