That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
