that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
