so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
