Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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