APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
