we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
