Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
