I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she told me i tasted like america
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
