i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize